The Type Of Living That Kills


I’ve been there. I’ve been where you are. Feeling as if this life is long and boring and dry.

I’ve felt that.

I’ve thought that I had no purpose, no meaning, no worth.

And I’ve reasoned, why breathe when I’m not living?

For a period of a few years, ages 11 through 14, I felt as though my whole being was one big, fat, ROUTINE. That’s a LONG time to live without reason.

Those years of me living in my head, LITERALLY non-stop, was the worst time of my life. Seriously. You feel as though you’re stuck but don’t know how or don’t feel the desire to get out.

I can honestly tell you that I was living a LIE.

Satan had me so wrapped up in myself, and ones self can be depressing, right? Wow. It was awful.

BUT, HEY, THERE WAS LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL! THERE WAS PURPOSE! For the first time since my young childhood I felt something inexpressible, something strong and impacting and something I had only seen in others. Joy. 

And oh how that joy rushed over me like a powerful tide!! I now feel like life couldn’t be long enough for the things I want to accomplish for the Kingdom of Christ.  What changed?

God. Well, let me backtrack. God didn’t change, but my view of Him did. When before He was a “big man in the sky” or “just another authority figure” I had to live under as a young person.

My view of Christ changed into what was tinted with love. I now see Him as an intimate friend, a Father, my main support, my King who I DESIRE to serve. 

But how did this change? How can you live with joy and finally find meaning? Well, the answer is a simple one, but not an easy life change.

I realized that living with a dead spirit is the cause of a dead relationship with God. 

So what happened? It was a slow change, and a change I didn’t even realize I was making.

I started reading my Bible more, with a hunger to learn and an eager attitude. 

I prayed…HARD. Like my life depended on it! (Cause in a way, it did.)

I found a church with a family I cared about, and I started hanging out with people who loved me, loved God, and loved encouraging one another. 

I began to look for  ways to serve. My family, my church, my community, etc. 

Lastly, and honestly most importantly, I made it my new life goal and my one and only mission here on earth: to love God and to love others, fully, righteously, and with reckless abandonment, forgetting my desires, my dreams, and my wants. 

I know it’s hard to swallow, but our lives feel the most awful, the most meaningless, and the most depressing when we’re not as close to God as we should be. 

Whether we agree with it or not, whether we feel it or not, and whether we want to live it or not, we MUST let our love for God and others take over. So let it start now, let it drive you to change, and allow it to change your view of God.

Cause perspective is everything, right? 

~By His Grace,

Halee Westbrook



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