Valentine’s Day is approaching, so comes the day when every single girl moans and groans about her lack of companionship. BUT what if single girls didn’t have to feel this way? Me and my friend Kimberly think it’s actually not okay to obsess over “the next step”. Here’s her thoughts why:
Dearest Single Christian Girl,
Are you hurting? Is this season hard for you to bear? Are you grasping at every straw? But just no matter what you do, no guys are looking your way? And you just don’t know what to do? And it’s so hard, and why is this easier for all your friends, and why does it have to be so sketchy, and why can’t we just have clear-cut paths in this?
It’s going to be okay.
Let’s talk about this.
Firstly, are you commanded to marry?
Ecclesiastes 12:13b says, “Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.” So if our whole duty is to fear God and keep His commandments… where’s the chapter and verse that commands “find a husband/wife as quickly as possible”?
Hint: it’s not there.
So, if searching for a future husband is not a commandment of God, it’s not apart of your duty, and it shouldn’t be a priority or focus.
Secondly, are you called to marry?
But today you’re not.
And in light of eternity, RIGHT NOW IS ALL THAT MATTERS.
Is it okay to wonder…?
You know what, I think so. If your dream is to become a wife and mother, I really uphold that as a noble ambition. You don’t have to lose that. You don’t have to quench it under a stream of worldly goals like education and careers. Really, I think it’s okay. And, besides, you have to trust God gave you (or allowed you to form) those desires for His own good glory- weather they are to be fulfilled or not.
However, when those dreams intrude on who you are today, when those dreams challenge your contentment with where God has you today, and when those dreams start edging out the priority of actual, Scriptural, God-given commandments, they must be surrendered. Sometimes purged. Trimmed back to a healthy blossom. (Don’t forget that purging stings.)
Why do you want this? A relationship? Marriage?
Can you even identify your desires?
If you can’t, I strongly suggest really examining why you allow yourself to desire things without putting a purpose behind them.
If you can, who do they point to?
If you can look at the heart and purpose of why you really want this, is God there?
In my own life, I can see where the seasons I was actually distracted by thoughts like we’re discussing, were the same seasons I was perusing my own happiness. I was thinking it would be more fun to be married, rather than single. More of an adventure to be homeschooling my own children, rather than my siblings. More fulfilling to be loved on by a husband, rather than my Savior and Lord Jesus Christ, Who, really, loves me better than anyone else ever could. It was all about me.
That’s what has to be trimmed out.
Because nothing is about me. Everything that ever has been or ever will be is all for the glory of God.
Not my happiness. Nor yours.
And marriage isn’t going to clear the stormy skies. It’s just going to be different types of weather. If I can’t lean on God right now in these choppy waters, what makes me think I’ll be able to suddenly, with a wedding ring on the fourth finger of my left hand, in the same body of water called Life??
One last thing.
You want to be treasured, right?
Or, no, sorry, I guess you’re good with whatever McDonald’s cashier thinks you’re decently pretty? Yeah?
Nah, I didn’t think so.
Ideally, I think most every girl wants to be valued. I just love the word treasured, so I use that one a lot. 🙂
Question: since when does the treasure do the hunting?
If you’re his treasure, if you’re worth it (and you will be, for the guy God has for you), he’ll seek you, and he’ll do it the right way.
It’s not a fishing metaphor or a game of “window shopping”. These relationships we’re talking about are with people, humans, God’s children, and don’t you dare mess with their hearts or pull them away from God.
Be careful, girl, because your heart isn’t the only one capable of breaking.
As a take away:
1) What is your purpose behind these desires? Self-based? Or seeking God’s glory?
2) If you actually “caught” that guy you’ve been thinking about, would you respect him and feel more treasured, by that you succeeded in hunting… as the treasure? Do you think a guy that would fall for that would make a good Spiritual lead in a marriage relationship?
Thank you for reading, dear! Be strong in the Lord! And remember you are fulfilled, loved, and complete in Christ Jesus. Nothing this side of heaven will ever give you true fulfilment outside a thriving relationship with God. ❤
Hey everyone! Halee here. 🙂 Thanks for reading that post! If you enjoyed what you read, go check out more of my amazing friend’s writing at her blog: Peculiar On Purpose.